Sup witdat?

TV Guide gives Independance Day three stars, but Tommy Boy only gets one.

vroom

One of the best things about living in the DC area is that I get daily access to one of the best newspapers in the world: The Washington Times. OK, just kidding - it's the Washington Post. I look forward to sitting around on Sunday morning, listening to Stained Glass Bluegrass on 88.5 and flipping through the paper while I sip on my coffee.

The first section I read, without fail, is the carpages. Warren Brown, who writes the auto-reviews for the Post, may be the most underrated journalist in the country. Yesterday's colum was about the Pontiac Torrent - I mean, who the hell cares about that car? Read on:

Right Wagon in a Wrong Place
By Warren Brown

Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, August 28, 2005; G01

It was a journey into the New American Wasteland -- a place of superhighways, tract housing developments and shopping malls. It was a disappointment. There was nothing to see.

I turned the 2006 Pontiac Torrent around and headed home, wondering if I was the agent of my own undoing.

I love driving. I can think of no greater celebration of freedom than getting behind the wheel of an automobile and setting out for points unknown. The idea is to explore -- to find a new place, get to know it, and leave it alone.

That is what I intended to do on an east-west drive along Virginia Route 7, starting in Alexandria and ending in Winchester. It had been years since I had driven the length of Route 7, years covered with memories of bucolic pastures, gently rolling hills and acres of undisturbed greenery.

I settled into the Torrent, an excellent family wagon masquerading as a sport-utility vehicle, and drove off. It was a pleasant launch. The Torrent, Pontiac's discernibly upgraded version of the Chevrolet Equinox, is an easy driver. It is available in front-wheel-drive, or all-wheel-drive, the latter of which is good for traveling along snow-covered or gravel roads.

I had the front-wheel-drive version. Front-wheel drive uses less gasoline than all-wheel drive; and with the price of regular unleaded gasoline rising to $2.50 a gallon on Route 7, I wanted the cheapest ride possible. The Torrent was helpful in that regard. The front-wheel-drive model gets 24 miles per gallon on the highway, which is decent for a compact wagon/SUV; and it runs well with regular unleaded gasoline, which costs less than premium grades.

Visibility in the Torrent is excellent. Its flat-black instrument panel sits low, giving the driver an unobstructed view of the road. The flat-black treatment eliminates instrument panel glare. The side-view mirrors are well placed. Rear vision is excellent. But the scenery was depressing.

Shopping centers and housing developments have swallowed up the green spaces along Route 7. Superhighways with soaring, looping access and exit ramps now crisscross the land. Route 7, itself, is a permanently congested artery filled with cars and trucks and drivers commuting to jobs miles away from their faux-rural, prefabricated houses and rushing to shopping centers to spend the money they've earned on stuff that they ferry back to their homes.

This goes on for miles--a motorized curse in which the freedom to drive has become a punitive sentence in which the convicts must remain in their cars and trucks running from one drab scene to another for the rest of their lives. It gives a new meaning to Jean-Paul Sartre's play "No Exit." Hell has become an endlessly expanding suburb from which there is no escape.

I did not want this. I only wanted to drive, to experience the joy and freedom of autonomous movement, to revel in the glory of a machine of many parts working in concert to keep me rolling.

But what has happened along Route 7 is an exercise in extremism in which the cars and trucks I love have been transformed into marauding monsters chewing up acres of beautiful land and spitting out miles of ugly concrete to move their drivers through an eternal cycle of work and consumption.

I turned around several miles before reaching Winchester, vowing never to travel Route 7 again, but knowing in my heart that we rapidly are turning America into a nation of Route 7s.

I concentrated on the traffic and listened to the steady hum of the Torrent's 3.4-liter, 185-horsepower V-6 engine, and found some peace in that. It is a five-passenger vehicle, outfitted with all sorts of storage bins, nooks and crannies -- perfectly designed for a family trip. Here's hoping that there will be someplace left for them to go.

1000 words

I could tell you about the times I had last night, or the headache I have right now, but nothing could convey as much as this picture of me...

quality control

I've been bussiererer than I ever hoped for, and this blog is suffering. The biggest issue I struggle with is deciding whether it is better to make a bad post, or no post at all?

your mama was a snow blower

Kinky shopper KOed by vibrating knickers

By Lester Haines (lester.haines at theregister.co.uk)

Published Wednesday 18th May 2005 12:04 GMT

The following cautionary tale must surely rate in the top five of "most embarrassing things that can happen to you in public - ever". According to UK tabloid the Sun, a 33-year-old Welsh housewife ended up in hospital after wearing Ann Summers vibrating Passion Pants to her local Asda supermarket in Swansea.

Unfortunately, she became "so aroused by the 2½-inch vibrating bullet inside that she fainted" then "fell against shelves and banged her head". This prompted the attendance of the paramedics who "found the black leatherette panties still buzzing". Having disabled the orgasmatronic underwear, they then whisked the senseless shopper to hospital where she made a complete recovery. Staff handed her back the Passion Pants upon discharge, discreetly concealed in a plastic bag.

To its credit, the Sun does not name the woman. We assume, however, that she will be shopping at her local Tesco for the next ten years or so, or until everyone in the Asda who witnessed her ordeal is dead or has succumbed to total amnesia - whichever comes soonest.

For the record, Ann Summers notes that Passion Pants are "Not for internal use". Now we know why.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/05/18/vibrating_knickers/

quote of the day

"If the [law] be clear, we are bound to conform to it even though we do not comprehend the principle upon which it is founded."

From Commonwealth v. Pullis, the first American criminal prosecution for conspiracy against striking shoemakers in 1806.

Vioxxxxx

Twenty five million patients just paid ten dollars extra for their Merck prescriptions.

double reverse

Having been in a relationship for ten years, I can't say that my moves are the smoothest when it comes to picking up ladies, but I did have what I think was a novel idea to try and break through the panty barrier if things seem to be stalled after a few/several dates.

Tell the girl you think you're falling in love, but you have to break up. That way, if she is looking for the whole love thing - you're in. BUT - if she prefers the stand off hard to get strategy, you are also in.

If this is a time honored secret that I just wasn't in on, please let me know.

Outlook questionable

whew. Sorry for the long absence - got back from the beach & a trip to Charleston monday pm and life has been hectic. I started using the electronic calendar in MS Outlook several months ago and while it was helpful, I could still remember everything I needed to do.

Well those days are long gone. It's job application & interview season at school, and when you add in trips, extracurriculars and class, I would be hopelessly lost if my laptop crashed. My new goal in life, rather than kids, a good job or retirement, is simply to regain independence from Outlook. I have a feeling it will take years if not decades.

beotch

I'm headed to Emerald Isle with my folks. I may have internet access there, but if I post at all this week it will only be to remind you that I am at the beach and you are not.

$ fo nothin

"I'm just playing football," Panthers Linebacker Dan Morgan said. "I've done it from when I was six to high school for free, up until college for free."

Yes, he DID go to Miami.

___sploitation

So, my girl travels for her job - and I mean travels. She regularly has 3-5 week trips to places like Zambia. Where does that leave me? At home with Netflix. At somepoint I decided to go with themed selections of movies while she is gone, and the most recent theme is/was Blacksploitation Films.

This all started way back when I was procrastinating one sunday afternoon with school work to do and I watched the Independant Spirit Awards and saw Mario Van Peebles get nominated for his movie Baadasssss! that chronicled his fathers efforts to make Sweet Sweetback's Baadassss Song. So I had this in the back of my mind, and something a couple weeks ago reminded me that I had never seen Pam Grier naked. Well, Pam Grier naked and Blacksploitation go hand in hand. If you are familer with either 1)- Melvin van Peebles or 2)- Pam Grier naked, it will not suprise you to find out that my mission has been more fulfilling than I expected.

First of all, Pam Grier is super hot. No woman with a frame like that should have breasts like that. And it's really nice to see some non-plastic nudity.


With that out of the way, lemme say that everyone should see Sweet Sweetback's Baadassss Song. As a movie, it is pretty bad - but as a culturally significant event, it is eye opening. This post is already too long, so maybe I'll leave further explanation for a later date - or e-mail me & I'll give you more details.

My recomendation is to watch Sweetback, then watch Baadasssss! and then watch Sweetback again. Pam Grier is not in those movies. She will get her own post at a later date.

On this very night...

10 years ago...

along the same stretch of road...
in a dense fog...
just like this...
I saw the worst accident I ever seen...
There was this sound...
Like a garbage truck!
Dropped off the empire state building!
And when they finally pulled the driver's body...
From the Twisted... Burning... Wreck...
It looked like...
THIS!!!!!!

Quote of the Day

"We call him the next evolution of man. Some of the things he does, it just doesn't make sense. If I did that, I'd probably tear every ligament I had in my knees and shoulders and probably pop a couple discs out of my spinal cord."
--Kris Jenkins on Julius Peppers

Me & Lorenzo

So apparently this dude Bill von Zehle is stationed in Iraq and bought an oldish Benz-O from some dude for like 5 grand. Turns out the car is one of 3 armored vehicles that the Iraqi government bought back in 1988, and comes fully equipped with flamethrowers. Yeah, pretty dope. It's a 1988 560SEL, which looks like this (although this is not the actual car & I assume his is black or dark blue):


One day I will have an old-school Benz - somewhere between 1975 & 1985. I'll just need to restore the Houride first.

Now, I admit, I may or may not have found this story on Fark - but I assume not all of you check that site, and probably none of you conduct the additional research to pull down a picture of that model car, or found his original post on Benzworld.

Birth of a Nation

Birth of a Nation is one of the most embarrassing things white people have ever produced for "entertainment." We watched it in a History of Motion Picture class I took at Georgia State University as an undergrad and it is amazing. (I highly recommend taking a history of motion picture class if you ever have the chance) I'm grateful for all the people that fought to make America what it is today and feel burdened to continue their work.

DJ Spooky made this remix of the movie put to music. It's pretty freaky.